On a Monday I met her but should have known better;
a moon day bodes ill for new friends.
Lunar sea tides with light and dark sides
make Monday trysts wane to weak ends.
Aphelion eyes, dark hair and toned thighs
presaged a blue moon ascending.
With a wink and a gun, she blocked out the sun
in total eclipse, never-ending.
Said, taking my hand: you’ve the look of a man
who’d rather not sleep ’til he’s dead.
I refuse to work harder or pay for my Prada,
let’s dance with the Devil instead.
We ran for a time on a dream and a dime,
both stolen and hard to sustain.
At the trail’s grim end, a posse of men
machine-gunned love’s final refrain.
RyanΒ Stone
love this one. great rhythm. great story!
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Thanks, Mila. I struggle with rhyming poetry so your comment is really appreciated π
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It’s impossible to guess that you struggle with rhymes – both the internal rhymes and end rhymes were pulled off excellently here. Definitely seemed like the work of a skilled hand to me! Can’t emphasise enough how impressive it was that you did both – the double rhyming effect really brought the whole thing together. Loved the Prada line, too. π
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Very nice of you, Yusra. Thanks π
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Your description of her is gorgeous! So Gail like…Gail of Sin City.
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Awesome feedback, thank you!
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Beautifully and skillfully done! Cognizant of meaning and feelings with which anyone aware of the legend could agree! That’s the poet I have learned to always appreciate!
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I really don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you, but I’m incredibly grateful π
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oh, oh pick me! Pick me! (while raising my hand) I know what you did: you write poetry that crashes like tide-waves! π
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I choose… Haha, you’re too kind π
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π π
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A wonderful poem, an story too π
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Hello, Judy! Thank you so much, my friend π
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My pleasure π
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Please push the repeat button now. π
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Oh My, fabulous!
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Thanks so much, Azul π
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You’re welcome.
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Yes, this is what happened, beautifully written, wonderful flowing rhyme, that’s not easy!
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Thank you again. I struggle with rhyme and usually scrap my attempts. Happy to hear it worked this time π
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Its not easy but you pulled it off! Lovely!
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Wow. I love her dialogue and what a blockbuster ending!
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Have I told you how much I look forward to your feedback, Melinda? Thank you for always being so thoughtful π
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You’re welcome π I’m glad to give it.
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I love the subject matter…and what a great job you’ve done with it. Those last 2 lines…<3
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It’s a fascinating story – one of those that has always stayed with me. Thank you again, your thoughtful feedback means so much π
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I understand, I love the story, so full of passion and so tragic…I believe I wrote something inspired by it when I was about 16, thank heavens it hasn’t survived π
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