And these are my failings:
a wild smile always leads my mind
to the kiss hiding behind it
and sometimes to plot
the shortest route there.
Did I say sometimes? I lie a bit, too.
And I tend to zone out to small-talk
like there aren’t already
enough idle words in the world.
I often wonder – where do they go,
those wasted words once they’re spoken?
And I can’t warm to people,
despite how I try.
I’m lying again – I don’t try at all.
I’d much rather hide
with The Boss or Miss Del Rey,
alone in the dark
drinking vodka;
ignoring that night
in my fourteenth year
when my father got drunk,
made me drive his ute home –
the soft bump and loud bark,
the crimson accusation,
coagulating on his tyre
next morning.
– Ryan Stone
Written for National Poetry Month 2016 @ The Music In It – Failures
First published in Poppy Road Review, May 2016.
Too good..loved it!
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Too kind…thank you 🙂
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“Introverts dislike small talk but we are fluent in the language of ideas and dreams”
Ryan, my friend, the reflection in the mirror never leaves, does it?
And the art is just magnificent!
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I love that quote so much, Nandita! Yours or someone else’s?
Thank you kindly 🙂
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Not mine Ryan. I don’t know whose is it. But i just felt like sharing it with you so much, triggered by what i read. Please forgive me if i spoke a little more than necessary about the eyes.
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It’s perfect. No forgiveness necessary – I enjoy hearing your thoughts and you are incredibly perceptive 🙂
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You are very kind.
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as much as i like people, and love to observe them, and deeply interact with a few, small talk is hard and feels disingenuous to me. i’d rather have a long talk with just a couple and go deep into something, than move around the room, working and chattering about nothing. though it may sound counterintuitive, i think that introverts have a keen understanding of people, they watch and listen and pick up cues, that others might miss, because they are very present. great poem, ryan.
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Thank you, Beth. Some interesting thoughts – so happy you shared them. You saw to the heart of this poem 🙂
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incredible. so is the self portrait. 💙
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Thanks so much, Rahel 🙂
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R, this is a beautiful poem mate! The kind of poem that gets better with each reading and leaves a lasting impression. Great work!
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Thanks so much, mate! Great to see you here-hurry up and start a blog 😉 Hope you’re well.
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What Ajay said! Very beautifully done. I also zone out with small talk. ;]
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I can say the same about myself! Small talk, big talk, any talk is difficult for me! But I assume a different persona when I am online! Hmm.
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Don’t we all? ;]
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Hmm, I don’t think I’m much different online or in person…except I don’t swear as much online 😉
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Well, we all know about Ajay and Moonay. ;] You swear?! :O
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Haha, like a trooper 😉
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:O :O :O
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Haha, Ajay the shy online chatterbox 😉
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Haha, thank you Al. I zone out with most things – too many stories going on in my head 😉
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I’m always zoning out. 😛 It’s what leads to some stories and poems.
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Yep, I know that feeling well 🙂
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I am not a lover of small talk either, probably because I am not good at it!
I loved this poem and the self-portrait Ryan. Thanks for sharing yourself with us, especially the story of the dog, it must have been awful for you.
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Thank you for your thoughtful feedback, Judy. Yes, some things stay with us for a long time and shape who we become. Thankfully the choice is ours whether to take the positive or negative lesson from each experience. I really appreciate your kind words, thank you 🙂
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I am a great admirer of your work, Ryan and it is always nice getting to know a little more about you as a person 🙂
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You’re too kind. Thank you 🙂
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I love that first stanza. It sets up quite a scene and quite a character,
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Thank you, Mel 🙂
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You’re welcome 🙂
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Ryan, I’m deeply moved by your poem. What you’ve accomplished in four stanzas is amazing. (I hesitate to include this, it was shared with me some years ago, be grateful for all your failures, it’s what gives life and depth to all great art.) Enjoy the rest of your weekend. ~ Mia
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Thank you, Mia. An excellent quote, too 🙂
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You’re welcome Ryan.
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Great self portrait Ryan. Quite fascinating. I have nominated you for the 3 Quotes in 3 Days Challenge. Participate only if you wish. Check-out the link to the challenge on my blog here:
https://mandibelle16.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/one-to-three-quotes-in-three-days-all-at-once/
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Thank you, Mandi 😀
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Love this little window Ryan. You are beautiful. Xoxo
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Thank you so much, Elizabeth. What a lovely comment-you made my morning 😀
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Happy to do so dear Ryan. ❤
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What a fine poem, Ryan–not a wasted word anywhere. I wonder, too, about all those idle words…visualizing clouds of gnats over the earth’s deserts…
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Thank you for taking the time to read and leave so many great comments – truly makes it all worthwhile:)
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You’re welcome–I’m one of your regular fans, with a new blog/identity (mums the word–flying under the radar as long as possible).
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I did wonder about the ‘as usual’ comment…love a good mystery 😉
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Me too 😉
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PS–LOVE the Art as usual!
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🙂 too kind 🙂
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Beautiful, Ryan – such poignant self-revelation in the art and verse. 🙂
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Thank you, Kelly. Have a magic weekend 🙂
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That it was! My son’s crew team won overall in their regatta yesterday and I spent the afternoon with my daughter in college today. Enjoyed them both! Thanks, Ryan xo
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Sounds wonderful:)
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🙂
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Ryan, this is a powerful and moving write. Leaves a bitter taste, because I feel as if this (like the last one) isn’t fictional. At any rate, I grew up with an alcoholic and verbally abusive father. It killed my childhood, but at least gave me eyes for what I wouldn’t have been able to see or know without.
Have a wonderful day.
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Thank you, Staci. No, not much fiction here. I’m with you – the important thing is how you take the lesson. Every experience has a positive side to it. Though some things aren’t great to live through, they can certainly teach us the value of not subjecting our own loved ones to similar torment. Thank you for your thoughtful comments – most gratefully received.
Have a magic day 🙂
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Exactly. We can allow it to teach us and grow us, or we can let it break us.
🙂
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😀
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Introspective echo in a quiet room
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Thanks once again, Christine 🙂
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Love the self portrait in word and image, my friend. This is raw autobiographical work. None of us are perfect and many of us will be able to connect to hiding behind a smile, not much for small talk, a wandering mind and having experienced the trauma that comes with taking an innocent animal’s life. I can check off all those boxes, too. Awesome work!
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interesting you posted this again on the total eclipse day….”don’t look at the sun” they keep saying…don’t look at your demons some also say…but I’m glad us poets do…retinas in tact, or not:) This was inspiring
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Thank you, Angie. That’s really cool – I didn’t make the connection until you pointed it out…how subtle our psychs can be at times… Appreciate your thoughts 🙂
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Another most excellent piece.
I’m with you, man:
“I’d much rather hide
with The Boss or Miss Del Rey,
alone in the dark
drinking vodka”
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Thanks so much! Haha, happy to connect on such an enjoyable way to hide 😉
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Funny how we may use our music as a personal bowl, to immerse ourselves in, so as to exclude intruders. And your painting is very good. I’ve never written a portrait of myself, hmmm, I don’t think I could be honest enough….
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I couldn’t agree more, Ivor – music can be a great safety blanket. Thanks for your kind words. A leap out of your comfort zone can produce some interesting results…
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